


Hard to look at

by navaan



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode: s03e12 The Sound of Drums, Fear, Ficlet, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-20
Updated: 2010-04-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:57:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor tries to explain his problem with Jack's factness during The Sound of Drums. A little slashy hint, but it's Jack's mind...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hard to look at

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [knm1234](http://knm1234.livejournal.com) for beta reading.  
> Written for [](http://community.livejournal.com/10_shakespeare/profile)10_shakespeare challenge  
> Prompt Used: Hamlet/ _Most like: it harrows me with fear and wonder._

"So I'm painful to be around for you?" Jack asked so much later: After the Doctor had found out he wasn't the last of his kind after all, his Tardis was stolen and they had barely escaped the explosion of Martha's home. Life with the Time Lord never got boring. Now he and the Doctor were sitting in an abandoned storehouse, waiting for Martha to return with food. The Doctor had been brooding since the young woman had left them, but was giving Jack furtive glances now and then.

"I can't explain it. It's like feeling a ghost, something that shouldn't be there but still makes your skin crawl. Everything around you feels strange. Dead time. Everything stops around you, as if you are your own universe. It's terrifying." He rubbed his cheek. "Can't explain it really."

Jack nodded sensibly. There were just things you couldn't explain. He had encountered them more often than not. It was just hard to accept being one of them.

"It's getting better already." The Doctor sniffed. "I'm getting used to it. I'll get over it, I'm sure. It's not your problem, really."

This drew a dark, mirthless chuckle from the Captain. “Yeah, sure. Not my problem. It's just me that can't die. No problem at all.”

“I'm sorry,” the Doctor said meekly.

Jack relented immediately. “I know.” He sighed. They'd had that talk already. It had been his hope that the Doctor knew how to fix this, but now he knew, he could only learn to deal with living till the end of time.

They sat in silence for a while before the Doctor spoke again: “I'm sorry. I don't know what to feel around you. It strikes me with fear to be close to something this impossible but there’s also...” He stopped, biting his lip. “I can't explain it. Let's forget about it.”

It was exactly the wrong thing to say, because Jack's interest was piqued. “Also what?” _Attraction_? An ever-so-hopeful voice ghosted through his mind.

The Doctor looked at him uneasily. With a sigh he said: “There is something astonishing... something amazing about it. There's never been a thing like you. You're impossible and hard to look at. For me at least,” he gave a rueful smile, “but I'm also acutely aware that you are something... unique. It fills me with fear and wonder, Jack. There are no words for it.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “I've been called impossible before and there were certainly people who called me unique.” He tried to manage a smile somewhere between seductive, cocky and charming and was satisfied when the Doctor's eyes were fastened to his lips for longer than was necessary. “But you are definitely the first person to ever call me hard to look at.” He licked his lips, aware that he was being watched.

The Doctor tugged at his earlobe nervously and looked away. “First time for everything, I suppose.”

“With you I'm at least always prepared for surprises.” Jack watched the Doctor settle into a more comfortable position. For the first time since their rushed reunion, he had time to really look this new form over. “ _You're_ not hard to look at, by the way. I mean, you weren't before, but this form isn't bad at all.”

The only answer he got was a distracted snort. The Doctor seemed to be lost in thoughts again. Probably thinking their predicament over: thinking about the Master. Jack understood. He was worried because he couldn't reach his team himself.

Then the Doctor started talking again. “You're not hard to look at because I don't like to look at you. It's more like looking at you is looking into the sun. I just don't know if I should look or close my eyes. All the time lines run around you and you just stand out.”

“I like the sun analogy a lot better than the ghost thing,” Jack remarked smartly.

The Doctor smiled. He looked a little tired and preoccupied, but when their eyes met, the dark brown shone with a light that was very much alive and full of energy. “Yeah, it's closer to the truth, too, I think. Just give me time and we can explore all the possibilities, when I'm ready.”

They shared a smile, the silence is a lot more comfortable now, as they waited for Martha to return.


End file.
